So things are going well. Finally seem to be on the right track. Been taking a Self-Defense Class, only one week left. Also started an Art Class and have met some lovely people with similar issues. Travel Training is going well. Been discharged from Psychology for the time being to see how I cope with skills and techniques I’ve learned without help. So far so good. Sure I still have down days and erratic days and sometimes I feel like self harming or feel suicidal, but I’m able to cope with it now. Able to ride it out, distract myself, keep going until it passes. Something I wouldn’t have been able to do a couple of months ago.
Looking back, I couldn’t have imagined having made so much progress since this time last year. To think, only a couple of short months ago I was on my death bed (self inflicted). Heck, I still think of trying again from time to time. The difference now is I’m excited to see what the future brings. I’m doing everything in my power to live a good life, to get better, to be the best person I can be, to love myself. All of this is easier and much more worthwhile now that I know I have support and understanding from a few close people. Something that’s important for each and every one of us.
Also started going back to the gym and eating healthy. It feels great. Looking into starting Psychology A Levels as well and looking for part time work. Have an Open Day at the College soon. Really looking forward to it all.
Oh yeah, and my brother and his wife finally got in contact after two years of not speaking to us (following my first major manic episode before I was diagnosed). Their daughter was born on New Years Eve and I got a text from them on New Years Day with pictures etc. We’ve been texting ever since. What a great way to start off the new year!
So, all in all, everything is looking up at the moment! Which is wonderful!
Thank you to all of you who read this!
“What does love feel like?”, he asked.
“Love? Well, dear friend, love…. Well, it’s one of the most confusing and misunderstood things someone can experience in life. It can make you feel strong, but yet, somehow, weak at the very same time. It can make you feel extremely hopeful, but at the same time equally hopeless. You see, we don’t get to choose who we fall in love with, it chooses us, it just sort of happens. When it’s mutual it’s one of the most beautiful and magical things you can ever hope to experience, but sometimes it’s not mutual…. and you can try to run from it, to distance yourself from it, but no matter how hard you try to ignore it, it won’t simply just go away. Don’t let that bring you down though, because there isn’t just one person you could potentially love in this world. There are plenty of, as they say, “fish in the sea”. So don’t give up, and don’t ever back down. One day you will find that special someone who wants to share their love and their life with you, and, when you do, you’ll see exactly what I’ve been talking about.”
When you live with a mental health disorder it can be very difficult to “just relax”. You can try with all your might, but, for the most part, it’s practically impossible. Well, at least for me and my friend. We both have similar issues including; Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder and for me Bipolar. So with all the treatment as well as just trying to cope from day to day it can be very difficult to “just relax”.
I do count myself lucky though - at least I’ve got a close friend that understands. We help each other as much as we can and just having that true understanding and support goes a long way. It reminds you that you’re not alone.
Although, even that doesn’t stop the daily struggle. You can go to bed one night, after having been on a “high” for a few days, and wake up the next day feeling completely the opposite. The migraine sets in, you can hardly drag yourself out of bed and all of the sudden everything you did while you were “happy” makes you question yourself. Sudden overwhelming feelings of guilt, hopelessness, emptiness. You start to wish you could “just be normal”.
It’s not all bad though - Having been this way for long enough, you start to notice the positives; the productivity, creativity, being able to see the contradicting extremes and starting to be able to level it out. It takes a long time and sometimes you can’t see the light. But in those times of darkness you have to look back and remember how far you’ve come already. Find inspiration in anything you can; people, music, art, poetry…. Anything that reminds you that it can get better. Above all of it - to never give up. For it’s when you feel at your lowest that you will surprise yourself the most!
- · Don’t Enjoy it Anymore
- · Mental, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing
- · Rid Toxins from Blood
- · Better Lung Capacity
- · Reduce Anxiety
- · Healthier Lifestyle
- · Save Money
- · Smell Better
- · Reduce Risk of Cancer
- · Reduce Risk of Heart Disease
- · Reduce Risk of Liver Disease
- · Improve Dental Health
- · Be Able to Exercise Easier
- · Reduce Risk of Emphysema
- · Reduce Risk of Asthma
- · Reduce Risk of Blood Clots
- · More Time to do Better Things
- · Improve Eye Health
- · Improve Appearance and Texture of Skin
- · Put a Stop to Premature Skin Aging
- · Better Looking and Feeling Hands
- · Hair Will Look and Smell Better
- · Improved Sense of Taste and Smell
For good this time. I’m writing a list of reasons not to smoke or drink anymore. Been reading people’s stories and hints and tips. Really determined to succeed this time. Will post up my list tomorrow when it’s all finished.
If you don’t open the door for fear that the boogie man is behind it then you will never find out what’s on the other side.
“It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.”
– Winston Churchill
Run if you can, walk if you need to, crawl if you must, just never give up.
“Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure.”
– Jack Lemmon
“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”
– Anne Lamott
“Victory is won not in miles but in inches. Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more.”
– Louis L’Amour
“When we can begin to take our failures nonseriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.”
– Katherine Mansfield